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STALKING

Stalking is a pattern of harassing and controlling behavior that is devastating to the victim’s sense of self, safety, and peace. Although it’s often depicted as normal or innocuous in popular culture, stalking is very dangerous.

 

Stalking includes:

  • Following behavior

  • Constantly calling or checking in on a victim’s location and activities

  • Refusing to leave when asked

  • Leaving notes, “gifts,” or threats at a victim’s home, place of work, car, etc.

  • Numerous and unwanted calls, text messages, or emails

  • Making unwanted visits

  • Controlling with whom a victim talks, hangs out, or interacts

 

Stalking is common within a violent relationship or after a violent relationship has ended and can also occur outside of violent relationships.

 

Stalking Behaviors & Context

Some stalking behaviors are obviously scary and threatening, but others don’t always appear that way on the surface. For instance, many times a victim is receiving gifts or messages from their current or former partner that may seem romantic to someone on the outside. However, the victim in that relationship has access to context that those on the outside don’t.

Endless “I love you” messages might be sending the victim a message that their abuser owns them, and they will never have a moment of peace from this person. Gifts or notes left on their car might send the message that their abuser knows where they are and can reach them whenever they want to, making them feel unsafe no matter where they are or who they are with.

 

Victim Blaming

Many people ask why a victim stays in a violent relationship. When we place blame with the victim, we overlook the fundamental harm being done. A victim of violence is being terrorized and controlled by their partner. Barriers to separation are endless and could include things such as child custody, finances, housing, other economic resources, family or societal pressure, shame, legal barriers, and—most importantly—safety.

 

Stalking & Lethality

Stalking is nearly always present prior to a domestic violence homicide or familicide. The most dangerous time in a violent relationship—the time when a homicide is most likely to occur—is when a person leaves a violent relationship.

 

A person still in a violent relationship may not be staying, but instead is planning how to leave that relationship safely. This is especially true when stalking is present.

To learn more about some of the key issues intersecting with domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking, visit our Resources page.

Image by Gerhard Kupfer

We Are Here to Help

If you need assistance with safety planning, getting an Order of Protection, accessing legal services, or would just like emotional support, The Friendship Center can help. If you or a loved one is struggling and want to request services or simply talk about the situation, reach out to our office. All our services are free and confidential.

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