Sexual Citizens Author Talk Recording
TFC’s Kim Patterson introduces the recording of our September 2026 event with the authors of Sexual Citizens and discusses the responsibility we have to equip young people with knowledge to build healthy relationships where they’re less like to commit or experience sexual assault.
I have a deeply held belief that, with the exception of abusive parents, we are all doing our best to keep our kids safe. Parenting does not come with a manual. We draw on our values, our experiences, and what we believe is best for our children as we make decisions about how to raise them.
But even if we could maintain complete and total control over our children while they are under our roof, eventually they will be on their own. They will navigate friendships, relationships, social dynamics, sex, and all of the complicated situations that come with becoming an adult.
At The Friendship Center, we want to invite you to think about how we can prepare our children for that reality.
Of course, none of us want our children to sexually assault someone. And none of us want them to experience sexual assault. That is precisely why we at The Friendship Center want to share a compelling framework offered in the groundbreaking book Sexual Citizens: Sex, Power, and Assault on Campus.
Talking about sex and sexual assault can be uncomfortable. Sex can be surrounded by shame, stigma, and fear. And in recent years, conversations about sex education have also become increasingly politicized, sometimes relying on inaccurate or incomplete information. In Montana and many other states, state law requires schools to teach sex education but offers little to no guidance on what that curriculum should cover. This can make an already difficult subject even harder for parents to navigate.
But avoiding these conversations does not make the risks disappear. In fact, it increases those risks.
Navigating and understanding social dynamics is a reality for young people. They are figuring out where they belong and learning how to understand themselves and other people. That is a normal part of human development. Humans are wired for connection and belonging.
It can be difficult to imagine our children becoming sexual beings one day. It can feel like if we simply don't talk about it, we are protecting them from it. But research suggests the opposite. When young people don’t receive sex education, they will look elsewhere. Increasingly, that means turning to pornography.
Reading a book that recounts numerous experiences of sexual assault is certainly not light reading and can be difficult. I personally read Sexual Citizens in smaller pieces over several months. But it is not a dense book, and I found the stories incredibly powerful. The personal accounts of college students created empathy and compassion, while the research provided a framework for understanding why sexual assault happens and, importantly, how we might prevent it.
Sexual Citizens is not a manual for raising children. None exists. Instead, it offers a way of thinking about how we can support young people as they develop the knowledge, language, and confidence to navigate relationships and sexual experiences within their own values and rooted in our own unique family values.
One of the ideas that stayed with me is that sexual assault does not always happen because someone feels entitled to another person's body. Sometimes, it happens because the person being harmed does not feel entitled to their own.
That is an idea worth sitting with.
Sexual Citizens examines why sexual assault is such a common experience among young people and makes the case for a prevention approach that gives teens and young adults the language and knowledge they need to build healthier relationships and better understand consent, power, and their own agency.
I hope you will check out the recording from our September 2026 event to hear directly from the authors of Sexual Citizens about how we can prepare our children to navigate the world beyond our homes.
Sexual Citizens is in part about sexual assault on college campuses. Its discussion of the sex lives of college students includes experiences ranging from healthy and consensual sexual encounters to violent assaults. It’s powerful and so important to engage with honest stories of young people as they navigate sexual intimacy, but we encourage everyone to read with care.
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual violence, The Friendship Center can help. Check out our services page to learn about our free, confidential, 24/7 services and visit our sexual assault resource page to explore resources for victims and advocates.
PURCHASE SEXUAL CITIZENS
Pick up your copy of Sexual Citizens from our friends at Montana Book Company in Helena, and a portion of your purchase will be donated to The Friendship Center.
ADDITIONAL LINKS & RESOURCES
SPACE stands for Sexual Assault Prevention and Community Equity. This free toolkit grounded in insight from Sexual Citizens provides campuses a new approach to sexual violence prevention—one grounded in a broad commitment to equity. The process invites diverse stakeholders, from students to the senior administration, to be on the same team. The work rests upon a simple and well-established truth: assault is about power. The SPACE toolkit uses that truth to develop a plan for campus transformation.
This page includes tips for educators looking to integrate Sexual Citizens into their syllabus; a discussion guide for talking about the book with family, community groups, or book clubs; a series of micro-lectures; and some tips and best practices for teaching about campus sexual assault.
Getting Real About Sex Ed (2026) by Shafia Zaloum
Shafia Zaloom offers educators, administrators, and caregiving adults concrete language and strategies for integrating sexuality education into daily practice, beginning with students in kindergarten and carrying through to high school graduation.
Montana’s State of Sex Ed by SIECUS, the leading national voice for sex education
This state profile and scorecard is a snapshot of the current policies affecting sex education requirements in Montana, including challenges to providing comprehensive sex ed in public education.
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